Fear the Forbidden Technology!
by Saravelda
Summary: Fear the Forbidden Technology. Curse those who have brought it upon us! And curse whoever was moron enough to give Allen a loaded gun...
1. Chicks on the Elsa

So you want me to tell you how it all began? It's a long story, one that involves a long online RP-ing session and several Pixie sticks...and blue smarties. So I shall spare you all the horror. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Xenosaga...and no matter how hard I dream, I don't own either chaos or Wilhelm. ::deep sigh::

Chapter One: Chicks on the Elsa?

I wish I had a good explanation for you, I really do. But there isn't one, you see. It all just kind of happened, complete randomness that had no sense to it at all. But nonetheless, it happened.

It all began with two girls from lost Jerusalem. Yes, indeed, Lost Jerusalem. One was called Kayla, and bore a strange resemblance to a sixteen year old Nephilim. The other, Laura, had an obsession with popcorn. No one knew how they got from Lost Jerusalem to the Kukai foundation. In fact, it never occurred to any of them, with the possible exception of KOS MOS, to even ask them. Nonetheless, they were there, and with them, they brought the forbidden technology. The mention of its name brought about more fear than even Albedo himself....

Dance Dance Revolution. (dun dun dunnnn!)

Now, mind you, this isn't the main problem in our tale. The main problem is why Jr is crossdressing in the first place. And more importantly, who let Allen loose with a shotgun? However, it was chaos' newfound obsession with the Forbidden Technology (and Hammer and Tony's love for beer) that drove us to these tragic, and very disturbing events.

We shall now start at the beginning....for the beginning is always a good place to start. Starting in the middle always confuses people....

* * *

"You know, it's been a long time since we've had girls on the Elsa..." Tony slid a wary Laura under his arm. Kayla's open palm hit him across the face "Thaaat's enough, Tony" she said, rescuing her poor scarred friend.

"Owwww!" He whined while rubbing his face. "What?! You do the same thing to chaos!"

"He does have a point" Laura agreed.

"That's different" Kayla turned a deep red.

"Sure, Whatever, I think I'll go hit on Shion now." Tony crossed his arms only to be followed by a rather...irked Allen.

"Umm...i'm thinking NO!" He said. Tony didn't pay any attention to him. (Poor Allen) Hammer walks in for the first time since the girls arrived.

"Woah! Chaos was right! We have chicks on the Elsa!" He exclaimed, overly happy. Knowing already that chaos had the blonde one claimed already, and that he would be tasting 'angel feathers' for a week if he thought otherwise, he went for Laura. (Poor Laura)

"Hey baby. What's your name?" Tony had to gag himself from laughing at Hammer's ungodly awful pickup skills.

"Hammer, just leave" Kayla commanded.

"But I don't wanna!" He challenged back. Laura pulled a beer out of nowhere. Indeed nowhere, as she was under age and could not have been legally carrying it. She tosses the beer at Hammer.

"Here. Knock yourself out...literally." she sighed.

"Hey!! No fair!! How come Hammer gets the beer from the chick?" Tony whined. Everybody moaned. There would be no living after this if a girl passed up Tony for Hammer. God forbid. Suddenly a lightbulb flashed over Kayla's head. No, you morons, not literally! Just figuratively.

"We could have them fight over it!"

chaos, however, was not convinced. "We've already watched Tony and Hammer beat each other up for beer THREE times this week!" He sighed. "Tony always wins anyway!"

"You have a better idea?" inquired the blonde girl.

"Yea, let's play DDR!" He answered confidently. (Sexy angel bishie ::sigh::)

A gasp around the room comes from all it's inhabitants at the mention of the Forbidden Technology. Perhaps too dramatic of a gasp. The kind of gasp that is heard when a shirtless Albedo enters the room. You know, the horrified, disgusted type. (Eww!)

"But I haven't seen them fight over beer yet!" Laura protested, trying to eradicate the half-naked Albedo Image from everyone's mind. And as the rest of the crew wanted to get rid of the image equally as bad, they all agreed to watch Tony and Hammer duke it out for the fourth time this week.

Allen made popcorn. Laura was happy that Allen made popcorn. chaos pouted. (Still sexy angel bishie) Shion was oblivious as usual. (Stupid Shion)

Hammer knew he was about to get owned.....(Poor Hammer)

* * *

So this is how it all began. Are you all afraid yet? Yea, I know this chapter wasn't very funny, but every story needs the intro, yes? Now be good readers and leave a review before you leave! Thanks alot! 


	2. Yes indeed, Hammer got owned

So I recieved only one review for the last chapter, but that's okay. I can deal with that ::sniff::. Hopefully more will like this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter Two: Yes, indeed...Hammer got owned.**

Yes, thanks to Kayla, Laura and the forbidden technology, chaos (the state of things, not the sexy angel) had been unleashed aboard the poor unsuspecting galaxy. Okay, so maybe only the Elsa, but the galaxy sounds so much more dramatic, does it not? Anywho...

The calamaty was to soon claim it's first victim. For none stands in the way of Tony's love of beer and girls and survives.

Including Hammer...and captian Matthews.

* * *

All made their way to the living room to observe the fight. After waiting for Allen, Laura, and their popcorn that is.... However, who should come in at this very moment to disturb the almost-peace, than that annoying man who still thinks baseball caps are the peak of fashion. Even though there hasn't truly been a baseball game in about two thousand years....

"What are ya morons doing in here?! We've got work to do!!!" Matthews was in his usual foul mood. Perhaps because his baseball cap was missing, perhaps not. More than likely he would find it eventually...unless it was somehow involved with Wilhelm's 'experiments'. (One can only wonder...)

"What are YOU doing in here?" Laura replied. Oh, don't get us wrong...she was fond of Matthews. In that punch-bag, target practice sort of way anyway....

"Chaos, you mind taking care of this for us?" Kayla pleaded. chaos, who by now is on the brink of insanity from DDR withdrawls, nods in agreement and vaporizes Matthews right then and there. The entire crew kind of looks at it, tilts their heads curiously, and shrugs. "Let's go guys!" urged Allen, who was really more interested in getting to his popcorn than the fight.

So all gathered around the next room and watched the two guys beat on each other. It was a normal fight, just like any other I'd say. You know, the punching, the kicking, the occasional 'low blow' (ouch), and the inevitable metal folding chairs. Hammer actually did little to no fighting. It was more like a contest to him of how long he could hold on to his precious beer can before he got totally and completely owned.

And, mind you he did.

It might have been the blunt trauma, to the head. It also could have been the blow below the belt. No one will ever know for somehow one of the two either killed him or knocked him out. Which one? Heck if I know, nobody ever checked. Poor Hammer was neglected worse than Allen...if that were possible. But it's not, so we'll have to settle for saying that he is just terribly neglected.

"I won I won I won!!!" Tony shouted with joy. Well, shouted as well as he could...he'd taken a few blows to the head also and was looking quite drunk already, even before he opened the can which he waved in the air. " I WO---"

Yes, this is when Tony somehow randomly dies. Again, the inhabitants of the room looked around in puzzlement, shurgged their shoulders and didn't even give it a second thought. "Heeey! Now I can hit on Shion all I want!" Allen celebrated by doing a little happy dance...possibly even a laugh that rivaled Albedo. (creeepy)

And as usual, the ditzy brunettle looked up puzzled and confused. "Huh? Did someone say something?" (God, she's a ditz)

"That was just Allen" Laura replied.

"Oh" She looks up. "Oh! Allen...I didn't see you there. I didn't even notice your existence." (When does she ever?)

"Didn't noti...CHIEF!!"

Shion had gone back into her own little world. Everyone rolled their eyes at the overwhelming ditzyness, then turned to comfort the poor, neglected man. However, he was gone...or they didn't notice him...one of the two.

So this is when some guy in a red cloak shows up and takes the beer can from Tony's dead hand. (creeepy) However, this is the time when Shion decides to become coherent and obnoxious at that.

"KEVIN!!!!" She stared at him with large fangirl eyes that made Kayla and Laura almost barf. chaos might have barfed, had he been the type for facial expressions period. But he's not, so one can only wonder.

"Wait...Kevin? As in dead Kevin?" Laura inquired.

"Yes, and you as in beer theif!" Kevin shot back. "And no, I am not dead. But I DID shoot Tony."

"Beer thief?" Kayla asked Laura. "So it didn't come out of thin air?"

"No, I stole it from dead Kevin's refrigerator."

"I am not dead"

"Yes you are"

"No I'm not!"

"YES you ARE!"

"NO i'm NOT"

"uh huh!"

"I AM NOT DE..."

Laura kicked Kevin's corpse..."Looks like you're dead now! HAH!"

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!" Shion collapsed in a puddle of tears...again. After approximately 20.215 seconds, according to KOS MOS's watch, she stood up and went back into her own little world. (Wait! So when did KOS MOS get here?)

Now it may have been the shotgun sound that gave him away. It also could have been that maniacal laugh that he had recently aquired (Must've learned it from Albedo..::nod:::). Most people just say it's because he was the only one stupid enough to use a shotgun when they had laser weapons at their disposal. Any way you put it they all knew, it was Allen.

Except for maybe Shion. Shion never pays attention to anything Allen does.

"ALL RIGHT! Who was moron enough to give Allen a loaded shotgun?" Asked Kayla.

"Not me..." Laura's shifty eyes gave her away.

Again, everyone shrugged and thought no more of it. Strange how easily these people get over things like this...especially when there were three dead bodies on the floor and a pile of vaporized stuff that used to be Matthews. Oh, and Allen passed out...just for the sake of the story. But he's not dead...no, I wouldn't kill poor Allen. Lock him in a basement maybe but not kill him. Shion, however....heh heh heh....

* * *

So was this chapter better? Okay, i'm glad. Poor Tony, Hammer, and Kevin. Not poor Matthews...I don't like him. And If you're wondering...no, the Shion abuse never stops. Not even when she dies. 


	3. Cosplaying, Not Crossdressing

Hey I've gotten a few really nice reviews, thank you!

KosMos rox-9, Thanks, I'm a fan of all your stories! You're a Xenosaga humor genius!

FFfangirl: Thank you also, (I love Monty Python...it might have been the style i was going for. Besides...put too much detail or description in a humor story and you kill it)

AllyKat722: Heh heh heh, I killed Tony! ::sticks out tongue and runs:: I am glad you like the story though...

Okaaay, on with my second favorite chapter to this story. (My favorite being the chapter that comes after this)

* * *

**Chapter Three: Cosplaying, not crossdressing.**

It hadn't occured to any of them before that they were now stuck there. There? Where is there you may ask. I don't know, they just were...there. And wherever 'there' was, they were stuck. Stuck for lack of a captian (killed by chaos), lack of navigator (killed by Tony), and lack of well, piolet! (Killed by Kevin). I suppose Allen could navigate and KOS MOS could take controlls, but remember, Allen has passed out for story purposes.

So the remaining people decide to amuse themselves until Allen wakes up. How?

The Forbidden Technology!

* * *

"Can we PLEASE do something else now?" asked a very bored chaos.

Laura shrugged. "What did you have in mind?"

"We could play Dance Dance Revolution!" All waited for a gasp, but seeings how the only original cast member alive and coherent was chaos, there wasn't one. (No, Shion doesn't count...she's NEVER coherent)

"Fine with me!" Laura jumped up and pulled out the DDR matt of doom. Kayla however, wasn't very convinced. She eyed the dead, vaporized or passed our bodies on the floor. Now how on ear...I mean, 'Lost Jerusalem', were they supposed to play with all this clutter on the floor?

"Don't ya think it's a little messy in here? Where would we put the matt?" She kicked Tony. "I know I'm not cleaning this up!" She grinned as another one of those figurative lightbulbs appeared over her head. "Hey, KOS MOS..."

"I am NOT happy to be of service"

"Aww...c'mon KOS MOS!"

"There is a 98.99999 chance that if you ask this of me again, you will join the mess." KOS MOS then left the room. Kayla stood there, like she was about to get shot. Chances are she would have gotten shot. Obviously KOS MOS demonstrated when she shot Virgil that she had no qualms about shooting people. But that was Virgil, and he deserved it.

"Heeey! I have an idea! I'll be right back!" Laura dissapeared into the next room.

"Where did she go?" chaos inquired, only to answered by a loud rumble in the next room.

Now, how laura was able to get one of those machines they use to clean ice with at hockey games is beyond me. Nobody knew where it came from, or even how she managed to get it through the door. Nevertheless, it was there, and as long as chaos got to play his DDR, I'm not thinking he really cares.

Now this is the genius time Jr chooses to join our little party. He obviously must have found where 'there' is, because, well...he's here. Well not, 'here', he was 'there'. However he found them, he obviously was not able to produce an explanation for the ice cleaner either. By the time he decided that even though he shouldn't he would ask, Laura had sucessfully cleaned the floor and piled the 'dirt' behind the small couch that didn't really hide much.

"What the...." Jr thought better than to ask now.

"Problem solved!" Laura beamed triumphantly.

chaos looked about as happy as they've ever seen him. In fact, he almost had a facial expression! "We're going to play Dance Dance Revolution, Jr. Would you like to play with us?"

Jr's face lit up with a challenging grin. "hahaha! I'll own you all!!!"

Now why didn't Jr fear the forbidden technology? The answer was quite simple actually. After Jr, in all his psycopathic tendencies, had tired of playing with the Zohar emulators, Gaignun had bought him his own DDR set. Now how do a couple of URTVs get a hold of a copy of a twenty-first century game? Nobody knows. It's one of those mysteries like how laura got the ice cleaner in through the door. Rumor has it though that he ordered it from Albedo, who has an extensive marketing project for the game on the UMN network. ( Who knew Albedo was a businessman?)

"JR!!!!" Kayla all of the sudden freaked out for no reason.

"What?!"

"What had we talked about?" she pointed to the guns he carried around with him.

"Oh yea! no guns in the house! Sorry."

She grabbed the guns and tossed them out the window and points to Kevin, who's head is sticking out from under the couch. "THAT is what happens when we let guns in the house!"

"And we learned that Allen has a surprisingly good aim." Laura added.

" No he doesn't."

"Why do you say that?"

"...he missed Shion."

Of course, at the mention of her name her head perks up. "Is someone talking about me? Did someone say something? Is KOS MOS okay?"

No one will ever know what motivated chaos to do something like this. Oh, heck, yes we do. She was a complete moron. Draw your own conclusions from that. Either way, in about 3.446 seconds (By KOS MOS's watch) 'Shion' was a pile of something on the floor. Yes, it turns out that chaos' gnosis disintigration touch works on Shion too! Now, what does that say about her to begin with?

"Good job, chaos. You went and killed the main character!" Jr. yelled, very loudly I might add.

"So?"

"So?! This game can't continue without a main character!"

Laura was already standing on the DDR matt. She pointed to it impatiently. "THIS game can!"

Kayla grinned. It was a grin that was associated with one of those infamous figurative lightbulbs. "Well, we could always have Laura dress up as Shion!" She handed her a Vector uniform and a pair of glasses.

"Don't even go there..."

"Aww, c'mon, it might be fun! Why not?"

"Because if Allen starts hitting on me...heads WILL roll..."

"But you get to play with the red weapon thingy!"

"OKAY! But don't forget to drug Allen!"

"Not a problem. heh heh heh...." Jr rubbed his hands together deviously.

Kayla pulled a white dress, a cross necklace, and a blonde wig out of nowhere. (No, not Kevin's refrigerator this time)

"I get to play too! I want to be... Nephilim!" She ran off to the bathroom where she changed as fast as any girl could manage.

So Laura was now Shion, and Kayla was now Nephilim. It was kinda like crossdressing...except not, because neither of them were clad in the garb of the opposite sex. So in reality it ws more like cosplaying.... Don't worry though, the crossdressing will come in time.

Chaos was giving them both menacing looks. (Yes, imagine chaos giving menacing looks. Can you do it? Neither can I...)

"What's your problem?" asked Jr.

"IM GOING TO DISINTIGRATE YOU ALL IF I DON'T GET TO PLAY NOW!!!!"

Poor chaos was falling under the controll of the Forbidden Technology.

Pity.

* * *

Good news for Shion fans. I lied, the shion abuse will stop now....for a little while. Tune in next time for Jr's adventure in crossdressing! I know you'll all love it. 


	4. Jr's A Dead Man

Okaaay! Now on to my favorite chapter! (so far anyway) Bring on the crossdressing Jr!

* * *

**Chapter Four: Jr's a Dead Man.**

Well, he's not exactly dead yet. If Allen catches him though...he will be. (Curse whomever gave Allen the shotgun!)

Nobody's quite sure why though.

Why is nobody sure? Because it wasn't Jr. who killed Shion. It was chaos who killed her. So why is Allen going to kill Jr? Good question, because Allen doesn't even know she's dead yet.

But Jr doesn't know that, does he?

So how did chaos rid himself of the blame? One could say he went into everyone's mind and manipulated their memories to incriminate Jr. Why would he do this? One could only wonder, though it probably had something to do with Wilhelm's 'experiments' involivng Mattews' hat, and some swiss cheese. What does that have to do with Jr?

I have no clue.

* * *

So the playing of the Forbidden Technology was again delayed. For Allen, after spending an entire chapter passed out on the stairs for god knows what reason, had decided to rejoin the world of the concious. Chaos, entirely ticked off by now, decided to get something to eat. If there was anything edible on the Elsa, that is. Nevertheless, he set off on a quest for something edible among Tony's 'cooking', while Allen began a quest of his own.

"Has anybody seen Shion" He asked. He even began looking under couch cushions. Now why would Shion be hiding under a couch cushion. HOW could Shion hide under a couch cushion?

All in the room looked around, trying not to look suspicious. Then Laura came up with a brilliant solution to their dillemma.

"She's in the bathroom" (Brilliant! Isn't she?)

"Oh, okay, I'll wait then" Allen seated himself on the nearby couch.

"Aww man, whay am I gonna do" Asked Jr, in panic.

"Why are you so upset, little master" Kayla asked.

"Because I killed Shion, and now Allen's gonna kill me"

"No you didn't! Wasn't it chaos"

"I thought so too, but he told me I did it."

She shrugged her shoulders. "Okay then...we need to hide you" I guess you all could figure out what happens next, yes? Indeed, cue the figurative lightbulb. "Maybe we don't need to hide you, maybe we can disguise you"

"Disguise me" Jr was already getting a horrified look on his face at the blonde wig and white dress Kayla pulled out of no where. "You mean you want me...to crossdress"

"yup" Laura nodded...with a GIANT smile across her face, may I add.

"You know I can't pull that sort of thing off by myself"

Cue MOMO.

"Oh, hey MOMO, I need your help" Kayla said. She simply handed the realian the white dress, cross necklace, and blonde wig and pointed to Jr. "Have fun, MOMO"

None hath ever seen a happier realian. She dragged the poor URTV unit into the next room, where several violent sounds ensued. Several minutes, and harsh curses (From MOMO, not JR. ), Jr stepped into the next room where violent...laughter ensued. Yes indeed, all in the room were on their faces laughing on the floor. With the exception of Allen, who had apparently inherited Shion's disease, and wasn't responding to anything. After a few minutes though, Kayla noticed a vital detail.

"He's a bit...flat...isn't he" She snickered even as she said this.

Laura pulled a tissue box out of thin air. "Here you go...this ought to fix it."

Unfortunately this is the time where KOS MOS walks by the commotion and takes the tissue box.

"I was looking for that." She simply walked of with the tissue box. Now what on earth does an android, made entirely of metal parts, need a box of tissues for? Must be for Wilhelm's 'experiments'. (Okay, so a baseball cap, swiss cheese and a box of tissues...odd)

"Aww man...Oh wait! I have a plan B" Laura, known throughout Lost Jerusalem as 'The Evil Genius", said as she drew out two oranges. From where? Did they even HAVE oranges in the future? Probably got them from Albedo and his UMN marketing project. (Curse you Albedoooo!)

However, much to their dismay, the oranges simply fell out the bottom of the dress. Darn that Nephilim and her loose dress.

Cue another figuative lightbulb.

A devious beyond devious grin streched across Kayla's face. She turned a wispered into MOMO's ears so quietly none heard what she said. (Actually we did, but we're not telling you...nyah) Reguardless, MOMO went running down the hall towards Shion's room, giggling maniacly. (Must've learned it from Mizrahi :nod:)

"Oh, no, Kayla..." Laura knew what was going on. "Don't make him wear one"

Jr looked dumbfounded for a bit. "Don't make me wear wha..."

It hit him like a ton of bricks...

"NOOOOO"

The scream only made MOMO run faster. In her palm she gripped a lacy red bra. This of course only made Jr scream louder. "Don't make me! There's GOT to be another way"

Allen decided to chime in. "Is she STILL in there"

The URTV was suddenly reminded of his peril. "Gimme that" He snatched the lacy red undergarment and the oranges, and ran toward the bedroom. Even through the door was shut, one could hear a variety of colorful statements as well as some not so colorful ones.

"How the heck do you get this thing on!"

* * *

There was actually a lot more to this chapter, but I have a looong overdue update of "Redeeming a Dark Angel" to work on too. So I had to split it in two. Tune in next time for Tony's resurrection!

Later, Kiddies!


	5. Tony's Aliiive: for a while anyways

I think I only got one review for the last chapter, but that's okay. I think I'd keep writing this even if no one reads it.

* * *

**Chapter Five: He's Aliiive!**

Yes, have no fear all you fan girls of Tony. Somehow he came back to life. How you may ask? I don't know, I'm not knowledgeable in such fields. Try Nephlim...she lives two doors down. For those of you who can just accept the idea that Tony's alive, I shall continue with our screwed up tale.

Oh yes, very screwed up.

* * *

The rest of them hit the floor...well, really only MOMO hit the floor literally, but the rest of them just hit the floor with laughter. Jr. was now standing before them in Nephilim's trademark white dress and cross choker necklace...and one of Shion's lacy red bras. Indeed, the entire scene was one of hilarity. Jr however was not so amused. "This is NOT funny!" (sure it's not, Jr)

Everyone else ignored him, or maybe they were just laughing to hard to hear. Either way, this is when the miraculously resurrected Tony decides to make his entrance.

"Hey guys, I'm ba- hello...who might this be?" Tony said, spying the cross-dressed Jr.

Now this is one of those moments. The really funny ones to the point you want to burst out laughing like none other, but the moments that are waaay to awkward to even think about it. I mean, Tony was hitting on his boss...male boss...who happened be be in a dress. (Doesn't get much more awkward than that. :nods:)

"Okay, I'm not falling for it anymore..." Allen came storming into the room once again. "Where is Shion!" Kayla and Laura looked at each other a little nervous. Now things had just gone from bad to very much worse. Jr's look on his face practically screamed at them to help, as he was being hit on possibly the biggest womanizer in the Kukai foundation, and now Allen was in the room, so it's not like they could set Tony straight.

"Um...Allen" Said our little evil genius, Laura. "I think she's in her bedroom, taking a nap."

"Oh, okay then."

Everything would have been fine then. Would have being the operative word. That is if chaos hadn't opened his mouth and lived up to his name. Not that he couldn't just manipulate people's minds again...but still. At that moment, chaos had burst out of the kitchen with a rather large swiss cheese sandwich in one hand, and Matthew's hat in the other.

"Okay, two questions." Chaos asked as his eyes fell on Jr and got really really big. "Why was the captian's hat in the toaster oven, and why is Jr in a dress?" (Wait, so the hat was hidden in the toaster oven, and the cheese was for sandwiches? So Wilhelm's innocent! )

Tony's face went white. And I mean really white. The kind of I-was-just-hitting-on-my-MALE-boss white.

Meanwhile, Kayla began to panic. "Hah hah hah, good one chaos, heh. Jr in a dress...why, that's Nephilim! Can't you tell?" (It's a good thing Allen's a moron, because the rest of them are awful actors.)

"That's not Nephili-" Chaos was cut off by a panicing Laura. "chaos, can I see you in the kitchen please? Thanks!" Chaos's rather large swiss cheese sandwich fell on the floor because of the force with which laura pulled chaos in the kitchen. The girl would pay for the sandwich, chaos thought. She would rue the day she ruined his perfectly sculped sandwhich!

Tony momentarily forgot why he had turned pale and a perverted smirk crossed his face. "Wonder why she dragged him off in such a hurry." he said, keeping that same smirk.

"Tony, do you desire to live?" was Kayla's reply.

"woo hoo! Go chaos!" Tony said, ignoring the dangerous deadly sound coming from Kayla's mouth.

Kayla didn't say a word before ripping the shotgun from Allen's hands. "Well, Tony, it was nice seeing you for a little while." She took aim and shot him.

So I guess now it really doesn't matter how Tony came back to life, because he's dead again. Poor, poor Tony fangirls.

Pity.

* * *

Sorry it took me so long between updates! School is awful and I can't wait for summer! 


	6. How to Get Your Boss Kiled

I'm baaaaaaack! Did you all miss me? School's out for the summer, so I can start writing again! I'm so exited!

* * *

**Chapter Six: How to Get Your Boss Killed**

Yes, so when we last left our poor friends, Jr's disguise was working...less than perfect, but fortunately Allen is much more stupid than we give him credit for. (It's from hanging out with Miyuki too much :nod:) What? You didn't think it would work forever, did you? This is my story after all...

Anyhow, there is one person aboard the Elsa, as hard as it is to believe, that beats Allen as far as stupidity goes. Or maybe he just lacks common sense...either way he's going to provide an effective example of how to get your boss killed.

Poor boy...

* * *

Let Tony's death bring a message to all of you...coming between a fangirl and her prey is a bad thing. However, Kayla, after causing Tony's second death, managed to have the brains not to give the shotgun back to Allen. Instead she locked it in her room to be pawned off later to Albedo for his UMN marketing project. (Curse you Albedo!)

"What you take my gun for?" Allen asked.

"Isn't it obvious? I needed it to shoot Tony!" Kayla replied, being rather blunt despite the fact that she had just killed a man.

Allen shrugged

"Yes, I suppose that's a decent reason, but WHY did to take my shotgun?" To this, Kayla just shook her head. There were better things to do than sit around and argue with someone so stupid that the couldn't tell that the 'girl' in the corner was not Nephilim, but Jr in drag. Though, come to think of it, Tony couldn't figure it out either at first...

"Can we play DDR NOW?" chaos whined as he was being pushed out of the kitchen by a rather irked Laura. Apparently she had filled him in on the current situation as he was no longer putting up the arguement that Jr was in drag. Either that or he had gotten stupid by osmosis, which on the Elsa, probably wasn't hard.

"Fine, chaos, we can play!" Laura rolled her eyes at the impatient angel boy.

"WAAHOOOOO!" chaos jumped around flailing his arms everywhere.

"I thought this was not supposed to be an out of character story..." Laura said aside to Kayla. Kayla only shrugged. "What fun would that be?"

"I suppose you're right" she nodded.

However, you didn't think we were just going to let him play the Forbidden Technology yet, did you? That would mean the story would have to end, and we don't want that yet, do we? Instead, this is where the brilliant Hammer decides to demonstrate the most effective way to get your boss killed.

"Heeey, who's the chick?" Hammer asked, resulting in the annoyed collapse of just about everyone in the room.

"haven't we been down this road before?" asked a very annoyed chaos.

"What road?" Hammer looked confused. "Anyway, have any of you seen Little Master?"

"He's hiding because he killed Shion" chaos crossed his arms in a very Squall Leonhart type fashion.

"But I thought you- oh, okay, whatever" Hammer shugged and turned back to the 'girl' (Poor poor Rubedo) In the corner. "So hey, honey, what's your name?"

"Don't come any closer if you value your job..." Jr told him in a deep disturbed voice that definately did not belong to Nephilim...or any girl for that matter. Hammer, of course, didn't listen. Our poor poor gender-confused Rubedo was about to be revealed because of his employee's poor pick up skills.

"Hello! Has everyone forgotten I'm still here?" Allen flailed his arms around looking for attention as usual. "What do you mean Shion's dead?" But of course, everyone was ignoring him, so it really didn't matter. Everyone was watching Hammer attempt to pick up their cross-dressing boss.

"So you come here often?" Hammer asked, with as much of a sly look on his face as was possible. I mean, c'mon...it's HAMMER...

"More than you know..." Was his reply. He silently pleaded for any help of rescue...where was Gaignun with that machine gun!

Now here's where everything goes really awry. If you are a girl, you are familliar with the guy pretend-to-stretch-but-put-your-arm-around-the-girl move. Now this was hardly the time, or the place for that matter to be attempting this, but it is Hammer after all. Well, in all his clutzy glory, the boy misses Rubedo's shoulder and hits his/her head, knocking off the blonde wig.

"Oh crap..." Jr tried to hide the wig behind him.

"Shion murderer!" Allen jumped up and down, arms flailing even more than usual.

"You mean I just hit on my...woah boy..." Hammer looked like we were all going to find out what he had for lunch.

"Where have I seen that look before?" Kayla turned to Laura.

"That poor Tony." She replied.

"May his soul rest in peace" chaos bowed his head solemly. (chaos, acting in character? What!)

Gaignun has a knack for timing, doesn't he? He usually shows up just when he's needed, or just when the plot gets to the really messy parts. Well, here's a first. Gaignun picks a really bad time to show up. With a Machine gun, no less.

"Hey Rubedo, I brought that machine gun you ordered telepathically...Why are you in a dress?"

Cue another anime fall around the ship...except for Allen who amazingly stayed on his feet. "I'll give it to him, Master Gaignun..." He said with one of those scary-innocent faces.

Oh he gave it to him all right...poor poor Rubedo...

Now there was one more person to pick up before chaos could play with the forbidden technology.

Pity.


End file.
